How to Appreciate Being Alone: Detaching Singleness From Worthiness

Why Being Alone Is A Good Thing

By Brittany Jackson

I used to want to be in a relationship more than anything.  I craved the idea of being loved, being cared for, being told I was beautiful, and worthy, and all of these fantastically romantic things.  Exiting high school and venturing into the realm of undergrad studies, I wanted a boyfriend more than I wanted good grades.  More than I wanted friends, even.

I hated being alone.

I hated the loneliness I felt in the evenings when the rest of the world seemed to be sound asleep while my mind was at its most alert state.  I hated spending time alone, sitting in the library with a book in hand while my thoughts travelled to dark places I didn’t really want to go. I hated spending time with myself, really. The way I felt about being alone was ironically the reason for my lack of a love life. If I didn’t enjoy spending time with myself, why would anyone else want to?  It was a block that I wasn’t fully aware of.

This underlying fear kept me from being fully open to the possibility of love.  I didn’t believe, at the root of it all, that I was worth it. Years of waiting for some magical prince to come into my life (to no avail, obviously) left me cynical and defensive.  I wasn’t sure I even believed in love anymore. And a small stint with a potential romantic prospect left me feeling like I probably couldn’t handle it even if it did exist.

I still wanted a relationship desperately, but I stopped focusing on it purely out of fear.  I just didn’t think it could ever happen for me. This break from waiting around for some guy to sweep me off my feet was exactly what I needed.  I needed to spend time on my own, discovering who I was and who I wanted to be. I needed to find a deeper purpose to my life than being someone’s girlfriend.

Being Alone, Without Being Lonely

I reconnected with my friends.  I started a novel. I decided to begin pursuing the career of being a self-esteem and body image coach.   I found my purpose hidden away in the parts of me I had failed to explore before.  I found that I was worthy of many great and wonderful things. I rediscovered my passions and my hobbies, the things that made me happy and the things that I needed to cut out of my life.

Without realizing it, I had entered into a wonderfully freeing relationship with myself.  I found the worth I didn’t think I could obtain without having a guy in my life. Being single allowed me to fall in love with myself, without becoming dependent on a boyfriend to feel attractive, intelligent, or worthy.

View being single as an opportunity to make your life amazing. Allow it to lead you places within yourself that you didn’t know existed. Find a passion to draw on or follow your urge to start along a new career path.  Allow it to give you the time you need to realize the immense beauty in thighs that touch and hair that grows five times in size in humidity.

Learn to appreciate being alone by loving the person it allows you to spend your time with.