By Kelsea Brennan

We all have that one thing (or ten) that we wish we could change about our man. Whether it’s the way he dresses, his love for video games, his diet or something else.  Perhaps you’ve even had countless disagreements over this one, or the many issues that you wish were different.

If you’re at the point of feeling exhausted, frustrated and overwhelmed by what you wish was different, and feel at your wits end, read on.

Relationship expert and author Pat Allen speaks about how in relationships we can either Accept, Reject, or Tolerate (which she does not suggest).

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Now, we all know that people do not and will not change unless there is a desire to change that comes from within themselves.

While you cannot change another person, you can be another person’s reason to change, yet these are two quite different sources of motivation.  When we try to change another person we are not only exhausting our own energy, and frustrating them, but we are taking our attention off the one and only thing we can control in our lives: ourselves.

When we take our focus off ourselves and put it onto someone else in wishing they would just say x or just do more of y, we are playing a lose-lose game. Because, even if change does occur, the changes will not be authentic, will not last, and will likely result in resentment. That all being said, we can change ourselves, be the best we can be and subsequently attract your partner’s best self too. Here’s how…

Reclaim Your Power. When we try to change someone else, it may seem like we are in control, but we are most definitely are not. Rather, we are giving away our energy, power and sense or self by focusing it so intensely on someone else. To take back our energy, we must focus on the things that make us better and the things that matter to us. For example, if working out or eating well makes you feel well physically and mentally, instead of berating your man for eating fast food, focus on boosting your own workout routine or by implementing more fruits and veggies into your own diet. It’s all about leading by example.

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Know Your Boundaries. Make a list of the qualities you love about your current (or future) romantic partner. In this list, make sure to decipher what qualities are deal breakers and what qualities are nice-to-haves. In your relationships, you can then gauge what it is you are accepting, rejecting and tolerating. You can then choose to continue to accept, reject or tolerate, or notice where you are perhaps rejecting something that you actually don’t mind accepting. This will put you in control of yourself and your reactions in your relationship

Remember to Love. There is this crazy idea that the more loving we are, the more of a doormat we will become. But this is 100% inaccurate. In a place of love, we can powerfully own our yeses and our nos. When you start to give love to those you are in relationship with, everything from your perspective of them to your perspective of yourself changes. You regain and increase a sense of compassion for all parties involved – and while this may not mean you will always stay, you will always do whatever it is you do from a place of authenticity and strength rather then from a place of pain and pity that so many of us are use to operating from.

Taking the 3 tips and tools above and applying them, no matter what your relationship status, will help you transform your life. You can take these tools into your relationships with all people and watch your love for yourself and others grow massively and quickly, which will undoubtedly make you the stronger and happy person that we all desire to be.

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