By Alexis Wolfer

Just in case you were worried that your infant baby girl was developing a healthy self esteem unencumbered by unrealistic beauty ideals and unattainable standards of beauty, fret not: the geniuses behindΒ Baby Bangs have come to the rescue, teaching young girls (err babies) both the unwavering importance of beauty and the need to attain absurd beauty ideals (in this case, hair at birth) at any and all costs. (With a wig for newborns, duh.)

The company’s website boasts that these Baby Bangs are to show the world “I’m not a boy!” because apparently they think that’s something newborns worry about. (It’s not.)

Instead, you can file these Baby Bangs under “sure fire way to ensure your daughter knows her only value is her beauty and that no, she’s not beautiful just the way she is.”

If only newborns could protest.

Instead, we’ll do it for them.

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