By Laura Harvey
I don’t give a fuck.
Just kidding, I like totally do. Like probably more fucks than you do, but I don’t really know because maybe you give a lot of fucks too. I mean, you’re reading this, so the odds are good.
I don’t give a fuck. But I also hope you’re not offended by the word ‘fuck.’ And also, just so you know, I care a lot about you. It’s other people and things that I don’t give a fuck about. Like the cool things to not give a fuck about, too, like the patriarchy and religion and Fox news and waking up for class in the morning. I do give a fuck about myself, though, but not too many. I’m not conceited or anything. Don’t worry.
I guess I should say that I wish I didn’t give a fuck. That the boy I really liked dumped me and started fucking a girl he met on Tinder. That I’ve been waiting all day for the boy I slept with to text me back. That you might be able to see my ass out the bottom of these shorts because they’re shredding away. Just all those minor annoyances.
I don’t really talk about it but there was this whole thing where I didn’t eat for a while because I gave so many fucks. You know, Laura, said my sophomore year English teacher in an offbeat, blasé kind of way, I’ve never met anyone quite so addicted to approval as you. Um, thanks Holly?
It would be a whole lot easier to fall asleep at night if I just did not care. You know I’ve adopted this whole new attitude of being some bad bitch. Like my Tumblr is pretty feminist and all liberated and stuff. Evidently, I’m intimidating. Or so I’m told. If I’m being totally honest, though, I’m still really scared. That you won’t like me. That I’ll hurt someone or get hurt. That someone else I love will die and I’ll be walking through the rows of Target looking for makeup remover when I get the call.
I am but breath and heartbeat stitched together by fucks I guess. But maybe that’s okay. Maybe that’s refreshing in this apathetic, agnostic, free-love loving, not a shit-giving world of ours. Maybe it’s okay that I care, even if I’m afraid to.
PS…I’ll just hug my teddy bear because I give a fuck and not give a fuck that you give a fuck that I give a fuck.