Mr. Right Not Cutting It? The Dating Tips You Need!
He is tall with dark hair and crystal blue eyes. He listens to every word I say and smiles when I complain about the day. One year we were apart for an extended period of time. He came and found me. He picked me up and swung me around, and said, “Please never leave me again. I am completely lost without you.” He meets every bullet point on my two page “perfect guy” checklist.
His name is Prince Eric, and he has quite an important role in The Little Mermaid.
Every woman (at least the women I know) has created a checklist of qualities that they seek in a mate. Part of it is biological because we do want to find someone that is going to inevitably protect, right?
I was sitting at Starbucks (my safe haven) with a dear friend of mine, watching her furrow her brow as she tried to understand why she cannot find a man. She is the epitome of a “ball buster”. She is a teacher, real estate agent and entrepreneur. She is beautiful and outgoing and has values that are stronger than the Oak tree that my dad attempted to cut down last summer. I finally asked what she looks for in a guy, and I found my answer. It was her checklist.
I looked over her checklist and choked on my cake pop as I read:
- Pretty eyes
- Well traveled
- Enjoys physical activity
- Volunteers and has a compassionate heart
- Fiscally conservative
- Socially progressive
- Spiritual leader
- Romantic but not overly emotional
- Family oriented but not a mama’s boy
- Ambitious with solid career goals
After reading, I told her that there was nothing wrong with having a type; however, her “perfect guy” list is preventing her from seeing something in a guy who may not meet every bullet point. I know there are plenty of women out there who have this list. Lord knows I did. But mine is now folded away in an old keepsake box with 5 inches of dust and dog hair.
Ladies, think about putting away your unrealistic checklist and making a list that screams, “I can still have Ryan Gosling’s character from The Notebook, but I have to accept that I won’t have Cinderella’s Prince Charming.”
I understand the need to not settle with just anyone. I have plenty of friends who are married or dating someone who they never pictured themselves with. Their significant other doesn’t match every quality that they had on their unrealistic checklist and they couldn’t be happier. You don’t have to compromise everything on your list – especially not the fundamentals – but remember that you could find the man of your dreams if you just opened your mind.
I told my friend, “Listen honey, I used to have a list longer than my arm, but now, as long as he is at least 5’9”, ambitious, accepts my faith, and doesn’t pull a Chris Brown on me, I am good to go.” Most importantly he must LOVE me.
When we left Starbucks, she felt slightly better that her list might be hindering her from finding a man. She still stands firm with her list, but she is ok with knowing that it might take longer than she thought to find the man that matches everything.
For the rest of you women out there, relax a little.
Don’t blow off a date because he doesn’t measure up. Give him three dates. If he doesn’t meet at least 3 things on your list, then move on to the next.